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I got distracted, you see

Wait, where was I? moved to Texas, started renovating my house, and *whoosh* there went all my free time, LOL

got sick, like that's new. I'm gonna run out of organs at this rate. But what prompts me to write is the commercial availability of Ugly Things.

Seriously, is the collective taste of the American Public only in their mouths? Does no one notice that almost all of the faucets on the market will be ripped out of houses in fifteen years by people screaming, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" We are living in the equivalent of polyester and Qiana and harvest gold/avocado green and no one sees it?

I'd go home and curl up under the blankets with a flashlight and Architectural Digest, but they've lost their goddamn minds too. When did Bauhaus and bad Modern become cool? I swear to Christ if I see another Arne Jacobsen Egg Chair in those pages as if it's some wonderful prize instead of an embarrassment to your parents' basement, I'm going down to their offices and beat them silly with my stack of back issues until the pretentiousness is smacked out of them. But they have an excuse. Years of design school combined with a job hunt that lands you at a magazine scrambling for things to write about month after month makes a person nuts.

But hey now, normal people with vessel sinks? Seriously? WTF is that? Are they sniffing the caulk fumes in the Home Depot? Where does Home Depot get off even offering vessel sinks in the first place? If you're considering a vessel sink, ask yourself these things:

  • Do you run a fancy-schmancy day spa?

  • Do you run an overpriced bed and breakfast?

  • Do you have a cleaning lady?

  • Is your name Dieter?

If the answer is no, then snap the fuck out of it. You'll develop some weird form of OCD trying to clean around the goddamn thing with a Q-tip and your grandchildren are gonna renovate with a sledgehammer when they inherit, screaming "Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, a normal fucking sink in this house!"

Considering painting anything chocolate and light blue? For the love of God, don't. I'll haunt you, moaning aaaaavocaaaado greeeeeeen and haaaaaaaarveest gooooold. That shit was dated two weeks after it came out. I think in 100 years people might say, "I love those old turn-of-the-millennium granite counters, don't you?" and that will be it. The rest is gonna be in a landfill somewhere on an asteroid.

Don't for a minute think you "designed" anything about your house, either. Unless you sawed it, chiseled it, carved it, fired it, or just plain birthed it, you were at the mercy of manufacturers who gave you limited options. Limited paint, carpet, tile, cabinets, fixtures, you name it. And holy cow, at the minute, it's all UGLY UGLY UGLY. Don't know why. But within those choices, I fail to see why every design-this/renovate-that or DIY show on television has to make the worst of it.

I'd whack my head harder on the coffee table but I can't find decent replacements for either the table or my head.

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Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
saoba
Jan. 17th, 2010 08:34 am (UTC)
Never mind vessel sinks.

Vessel tubs. I am for serious.
ladycaviar
Jan. 17th, 2010 01:11 pm (UTC)
NOOOO. THE HORROR.

*kak* Venus on the halfshell fantasy turns into holy-Jesus-what-is-in-the-crevice-please-God-let's-move-before-I-have-to-clean-it and by all that's holy let it not have been made of CLEAR GLASS

the visual, she haunts me still
merely_marcus
Jan. 18th, 2010 06:32 pm (UTC)
ROTFL

You said it about moving before cleaning. Works for me. Shoot - I have to live with the crud first, don't I? :S
merely_marcus
Jan. 17th, 2010 11:01 am (UTC)
How appropriate.
Yesterday, dawdling down Walcott Street in Bath with the Penster, we came across this incredible copper - kid you not! Entirely a huge copper roll-over-rim edged bathtub. It looked amazing! Then I realized a shrimp like moi would either have to hang, belted from the waist to the rim in order to scrub the bottom and the walls after using it. :S

Not to mention the need for a staircase to climb in and another to climb out!
ladycaviar
Jan. 17th, 2010 01:13 pm (UTC)
Sounds lush. Tasteful.

I note you are in the UK.

Humph.

;)
montuos
Jan. 17th, 2010 01:28 pm (UTC)
So, um, please don't knock the tall tubs that need a staircase in and out too hard? Anything shorter than that and I can't fully submerge. I want Taft's bathtub...
merely_marcus
Jan. 18th, 2010 06:35 pm (UTC)
Nothing worse!
And let me tell ya, if I end up with my knees under my chin in the tub it's kiddie bath! Gosh if I had the schekles, I'd happily pay for those staircases! I'd also engage a bathroom attendant tall enough to scrub it too. :P

May you always have long enough bath tubs!
montuos
Jan. 17th, 2010 01:16 pm (UTC)
I had to Google for vessel sinks; I'd never heard of them. (Can you tell I haven't been in Lowe's recently?) Good God...
rlg
Jan. 17th, 2010 07:01 pm (UTC)
me too ... yegods. Hell no.
eltigreblanco
Jan. 17th, 2010 02:58 pm (UTC)
The only things I've seen in our "modern" design forays that I've liked have been the really really DEEP soaking tubs.
dameroksanne
Jan. 17th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC)
this
Yes yes yes. Deep soaking tub.
metesten
Jan. 18th, 2010 04:05 am (UTC)
Re: this
Yes, we want to replace the useless "whirlpool" tub (speaking of places that Never get clean) with a really deep soaking tub-Kaczya
dameroksanne
Jan. 17th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC)
I love cerulean. Around a pool, or in a small bathroom. I did my master bath in two shades of it. The walls were rough and it is a bit small. I passed on the brown and did cobalt and bronze fixtures.

Everybody loves my loft decorations. I like to call it Modern Victorian Salvage. It takes about 20 years and 6 generations of deal hunters, but hey, you get something nobody else has.
metesten
Jan. 18th, 2010 04:06 am (UTC)
Its all the same
I'm afraid I love IKEA. It's all the same but its not pretentious.
stefwithnf
Jan. 18th, 2010 09:57 pm (UTC)
There is a place here in the Treasure Valley that collects leftovers from remodelling projects...hardwood flooring/paneling, carpet, paint, fixtures, etc. I don't think they are "limited" to current styles. :D

I think we have a few stores downtown that cater to the "refurbish historic housing" folks...those with the big $$ to buy that house on Harrison Blvd and Warm Spings Ave or in the North End.

The 50-70's weren't that great the first time around...there have to be stores out there which have people in the marketing and acquisitions departments that haven't lost all touch with reality.
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )