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you think YOU hate the DMV

Let's see. This week:

It was unclear if they ever actually issued a warrant for my arrest or just threatened it, but since I didn't actually steal a car and flee the state, that's all cleared up now.

I'm ever so glad I spent so long with a bank manager to make sure my check would clear just so that the bank would ignore that arrangement and hold the deposit for a week because such a large deposit was "out of character" for my account.  Do I pay extra for that personal touch? Perhaps I should cancel that service...

The DMV finally saw the light and rescinded their decision to suspend my license and fine me $500+ for not insuring a car I don't own, only to then consider charging me with stealing and falsifying my own personalized plates. Two days to straighten that crap out.

Remember when I first returned to Virginia, and they wouldn't take my Idaho license at the DMV because the clerk didn't believe Idaho was a US state?

Next time you're at the DMV, you might consider yourself lucky and not bitch if you just have to spend 45 minutes in line. Just sayin'.

So in tribute, here are the best haikus evar, written by this great kid I met online.

This is a Haiku
It is the best one ever
Oh wait, it’s over

I am so awesome
Some may say I am badass
Give me money, kid

I love the ladies
They want to get in my pants
No, wait, please don’t run

I had lots of cash
The government stole from me
Freakin’ tightasses.

I hate all haikus
5-7-5 really sucks
Damn, I just wrote one

I seem to offend
With all of my bad language
Fuck that shit, cockass!

My identity
This thing was stolen from me
They bought a hot tub

I cannot drive yet
I do not have a license
I stole a car, though

I write stupid crap
Just like this stupid haiku
I just stole a car

I am up to this
I can write these through the night
I am just insane

Ow, I just got shot
I am bleeding profusely
Someone call a doc....

Who thought of haikus?
They made it complicated
What a big weirdo

He fell off the roof
Oh wait, that would be a lie
I just pushed him off

I am desperate
Looking for inspiration
I just stole a car



( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 4th, 2008 04:42 am (UTC)
Le Stooopid
Even though the whole situation sounds like it was full of the suck, I am happy to see that DMV's everywhere are asshats... I still think Michigan's are the King Asshats though.
Apr. 4th, 2008 10:42 am (UTC)
Re: Le Stooopid
That's an interesting variation on the "my penis is bigger" claim... :)
Apr. 5th, 2008 03:07 pm (UTC)
Re: Le Stooopid
Yeah well, when you have dealt with them... ask Olwyn! I'm pretty sure she could tell you.
Apr. 4th, 2008 11:22 am (UTC)
I've lived in Michigan, and I've lived in Virginia. I have to agree with her, Michigan has worse asshats in the DMV. I don't *quite* reach across the desk to slap some sense int the woman, but the only thing that saved her is my husband going to another desk and getting the supervisor involved...
Apr. 4th, 2008 12:08 pm (UTC)
Illinois had the best DMV I've ever encountered. Quick, efficient, spacious and manned by helpful people. It was like entering the twilight zone after Virginia DMV offices.

Macon, Georgia's main DMV office is among the worst (if there are more than 20 customers, the rest are required to wait outside the building in the rain or the heat), but they also have a little plates office that is quick and efficient. If you just need to buy plates or taxes, you can go in and speak to a real human being.
Apr. 4th, 2008 02:18 pm (UTC)
Wow! I do feel for you, but gotta admit that the process for plates and such here in Billings, Montana, is much easier to deal with! Licenses are eight year jobs, and only take about 10 minutes to renew. Plates are yearly, of course, and are done by the County rather than the State, who do the licenses. The County has a great system, overall, and even when I was transferring personalized plates from one vehicle to another (and getting new ones since they changed the background design again) it was only about a half-hour total.

HUGS! Take care! And, you need to write - let me know what is up with the engagement and plans!
Apr. 5th, 2008 03:47 pm (UTC)
In South Carolinistan it is specifically against the law to scream or curse at DMV employees. Seems southern charm and politeness is driven right out of the place by the attitude of the employees.

I learned about their polite behavior and winning ways when I moved here from Arizona with both an Arizona license and an International Driver's License, obtained because I frequently worked in Mexico. Because they'd never heard of such a thing, it was obviously a major crime against man and nature both. Wankers.

Not only did they have to pass that law, but they have signs quoting the law posted where you can see them as soon as you walk up to any of the counters.

Apr. 9th, 2008 02:08 pm (UTC)
*Technically* those are not haikus, since they bear no reference to Nature. They are senryu.

Yeah, leave it to a Bard to ruin all the fun. :)

Funny as shit, though!! My favorite is the one about the guy who fell off a roof. :)

All my love always,

Apr. 9th, 2008 08:36 pm (UTC)
I live in an imaginary state for real- cool!
Wow, now when I go to see my shrink I can tell him that I do live in my own world- because a real person believes that the actual state that I live in is imaginary- so I really am not crazy- thanks Roe- I needed that- I can't wait until scascot gets home so I can tell him that I am actually quite sane!
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )