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I am totally a Coke addict. Yeah, ha ha ha.

The old joke about “drowning when you snort it” would be kinda tired, but I’ve got a set of friends led by [info]torin3 and The Chef who somehow manage to get me to hork something through my sinuses at least once a year, so it’s not so much a joke as a reminder. The last thing I snorted was wasabi, IIRC. Now that was an experience – but that wasn’t where I was going at all.

One of the benefits of my latest move across the country is the availability of Mexican Coca-Cola. Why is that good, you ask? Because it’s bottled with sugar instead of corn syrup, that’s why. All annoying arguments for or against corn syrup aside, corn syrup in Coke makes it taste wrong and have the drinkability of glue. Canada bottles with sugar by law, and Mexico just thinks glue as a drink is estupido (ok, well that, and azucar is cheaper. Too bad they don’t think tomato-flavored breakfast beer isn’t estupido too, but I guess the universe has to balance out somehow). And I’ve been enjoying the real Real Thing for a while here. Yay me.

I hate the corn syrup manufacturers for taking advantage of the sugar embargo in the late 70s and pressuring US soft drink producers into exclusive supplier agreements for perpetuity just because they had them by the nose hairs. The change in sweetener is what made a desperate Coca-Cola attempt to change its formula: “New Coke” was formulated to be palatable with corn syrup. No one anticipated how Americans felt about their Coke, and how bad that lead balloon would sink. Sea monsters still live in that crater of disaster.

Any Coke bottled in Mexico brought back into this country is considered “bootleg” and the Coca-Cola corporation hates it with a purple passion. They can’t do a thing about it, but that doesn’t stop them from trying. This has nothing to do with compliance with any syrup contracts, it’s to stop fights between their bottlers over exclusive territory. You’d think that the bottlers might get a clue and start bottling with sugar, but either there are contractual obligations to prevent it, syrup is still magically cheaper, or the Illuminati really is lubricating the chips in our heads with corn products and the New World Order is imminent. I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that I can get me my Coke jones on here and twitch on the futon in front of the TV to my heart’s content.


Shopping around, I found Mexican Coke way cheap at a store I don’t usually go to. Score! When I got home, I popped one open and iced it up.

Weird. Kinda freaky tasting today. Kinda like… malk?[1],[2]

So I looked at the bottle. Damn, it’s been a long time since I saw a returnable bottle, all rough where the bottles rub up against each other. Ah, memories. Ah, nostalgia.

Wait. Coca-Cola Mexíco doesn’t use returnables. Uh oh.

So I looked at the receipt. It rang up as “BUENO COCO COLO.” That sounds like a festive umbrella rum drink. I don’t think my caveat emptor radar had warmed up to the stupid level while I was in that store. Damn, I got fake bootleg Coke.

Holy crap, what’s the world come to when you can’t trust bootleggers anymore? Didn’t they unionize or something when the Volstead Act was repealed? What happened to honor among thieves, or the “pirates’ code,” as revealed in the documentary series Pirates of the Caribbean? Man, I bet I can’t even trust what the chip in my head tells me anymore.


[1] “but I drink plenty of … malk? (Now with Vitamin R!)” Bart Simpson, “The PTA Disbands”

[2] “I don't get it. Everyone loves rats, but they don’t want to drink the rats’ milk?” Fat Tony, “Mayored to the Mob”

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Comments

( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
umamah
Feb. 22nd, 2009 07:31 am (UTC)
ok woman what are you paying for your Mexican Coke and I can work at feeding your real sugar addiction if I find it for a better price here. I've even seen sugar Sprite here. Don't ask me to go across the border tho too much drug cartel being weird there....(to the point that the wounded police are getting shipped over here, next door to Chum's work and the public Hospital going into armed lock down)
ladycaviar
Feb. 22nd, 2009 07:36 am (UTC)
Buck or so each. But I don't want a bargain if it's malk, thx. ;)
umamah
Feb. 24th, 2009 07:31 am (UTC)
oh trust me even tho I'm diabetic I can spot the real thang. by the bottle here it's about a buck a bottle but by the case it's abit cheaper. The Breezy breast is coming over to pick up the rest of their stuff youse wants me to send some by mongol pony express to Ft. Hood area?
compost75
Feb. 22nd, 2009 07:53 am (UTC)
Just last week I asked DH to get some Coke from the little shop around the corner from where he works so I could prove to him that sugar tastes better than high fructose corn syrup.
alphaggek
Feb. 22nd, 2009 11:59 am (UTC)
You can also stock up as soon as they bring out the kosher coke for passover. It's made with Sugar as well. And I can probably arrange for some Canadian to make it down to Pennsic :)
ladycaviar
Feb. 22nd, 2009 08:31 pm (UTC)
not a lot of call for Kosher anything in semi-rural Texas. Huh.

But I do remember the Passover bonanza on the east coast, yeah. :)
alphaggek
Feb. 22nd, 2009 08:34 pm (UTC)
How rural? Dallas has a pretty big Jewish contingent, and when I lived near Dallas with my folks, we never had a problem getting kosher stuff. Not as much as the East coast, but not bad.

I also remember being able to get it in Houston.

I could always buy a couple of cases for you when it hits the stores here and ship it to you :)
ladycaviar
Feb. 23rd, 2009 04:27 am (UTC)
you're sweet -- almost as sweet as sugared Coke -- but that's not necessary.

but I bet you know what to ply me with when next you see me, LOL
alphaggek
Feb. 23rd, 2009 01:32 pm (UTC)
Why, yes I do..... :)
mooselover13
Feb. 22nd, 2009 02:12 pm (UTC)
OMG that's just wrong.
torin3
Feb. 22nd, 2009 02:55 pm (UTC)
The Chef said it was a good thing she finished her bowl of ceral before I read this to her, or she would have horked somthing up her nose.
scascot
Feb. 22nd, 2009 03:02 pm (UTC)
Both of the WalMarts here in Nampa (yeah, we have two now - they built one over by the Idaho Center) have imported Mexican Coke.

Importing Mexican Coke will get you the migrant farm-worker dollar. Importing Colombian coke, on the other hand, will get you prison time. Stick with the Mexican Coke.

On the plus side, it's real Coke, in all it's sugar-saturated glory. On the down side, it's at WalMart.
scascot
Feb. 22nd, 2009 03:09 pm (UTC)
Also
Photobucket
indyellen
Feb. 22nd, 2009 04:21 pm (UTC)
My hubbie has discovered that the brand-new Kroger around the corner from us carries Mexican Coke in their "international foods" aisle. It's pricy (almost $2/bottle), but I love it because I'm allergic to corn syrup and it means I can drink COKE instead of diet every once in a while. Yum!
bronx_baroness
Feb. 23rd, 2009 06:24 am (UTC)
Dominion Brewers here in Virginia make all of their sodas with sugar.
John brought home two 6 packs of gingerale and it got inhaled in record time. Didn't even make it through the weekend. In other news, we've banned corn syrup from the house, so John is actually having fun looking for beverages made with real sugar. I think yay!
ext_129472
Feb. 23rd, 2009 07:03 pm (UTC)
It's Unlikely to be Counterfeit
As somebody who avoids high-fructose corn syrup due to its ability to produce kidney stones, I've located both Mexican Coca Cola, and the Kosher equivalent made with real sugar.

Returnable bottles are de rigeur for shipping to the United States, because they can take the abuse, and comply with state laws regarding returnability. I note that Coca Cola Mexico doesn't actually bottle anything for consumers, instead it's independent bottlers who determine what containers to use ... just like the United States.
ladycaviar
Feb. 23rd, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
Re: It's Unlikely to be Counterfeit
Oh pooh. Just because you work for Coca-Cola, you think you can bamboozle me with your damn facts. LOL

Well, I'm not drinking anything from that bottler again, real or not. Seriously, it tasted weird. And unlike the other bottler who "ships" here, there was no Coca-Cola logo on the stick-on "nutrition" facts label.

ext_129472
Feb. 23rd, 2009 07:09 pm (UTC)
While I'm At It
Incidentally, the reason that corn syrup is used in the USA and virtually nowhere else is a simple economic one: Corn Syrup is subsidized here and sugar has import controls ... everywhere else, sugar is the same cost or cheaper, so why would one use HFCS instead?
ladycaviar
Feb. 23rd, 2009 09:55 pm (UTC)
Re: While I'm At It
Precisely!

I hate the corn syrup manufacturers for taking advantage of the sugar embargo in the late 70s...

...subsidies and import controls relevant to the soft drink industry dating from said Cuban sugar embargo.

While the price of American sugar has been artificially jacked up more or less since the War of 1812 (being one of the US' favorite political weapons in this hemisphere for reasons I can't even begin to guess), only relatively recently has the price of corn been subsidized to fall below the cost of production. Why wouldn't HFCS manufacturers use that to their advantage, and press it while they have it? Lobbying, contracts (however long they might have lasted, and whomever they were with -- bottlers, corporate, whatever), pr campaigns, it's been done.

Sure it's a "simple economic reason," but it's the end result of a process. You can pick your own starting and ending points, I'll pick mine.

I notice neither one of us is drinking that crap. If either of us disappears, I blame it on the Illuminati.
scascot
Feb. 26th, 2009 07:26 pm (UTC)
Just saw a news story about Snapple, Pepsi and 7UP (the only brands mentioned, "among others") that are switching from HFCS back to sugar.

You may yet see a return of the real Real Thing™, bottled in the good ol' US of A, in your lifetime.
ladycaviar
Feb. 26th, 2009 11:02 pm (UTC)
clearly, it's because they read my blog, right? ahahahahahahaha
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )