ladycaviar (ladycaviar) wrote,

I got distracted, you see

Wait, where was I? moved to Texas, started renovating my house, and *whoosh* there went all my free time, LOL

got sick, like that's new. I'm gonna run out of organs at this rate. But what prompts me to write is the commercial availability of Ugly Things.

Seriously, is the collective taste of the American Public only in their mouths? Does no one notice that almost all of the faucets on the market will be ripped out of houses in fifteen years by people screaming, "WHAT WERE THEY THINKING? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" We are living in the equivalent of polyester and Qiana and harvest gold/avocado green and no one sees it?

I'd go home and curl up under the blankets with a flashlight and Architectural Digest, but they've lost their goddamn minds too. When did Bauhaus and bad Modern become cool? I swear to Christ if I see another Arne Jacobsen Egg Chair in those pages as if it's some wonderful prize instead of an embarrassment to your parents' basement, I'm going down to their offices and beat them silly with my stack of back issues until the pretentiousness is smacked out of them. But they have an excuse. Years of design school combined with a job hunt that lands you at a magazine scrambling for things to write about month after month makes a person nuts.

But hey now, normal people with vessel sinks? Seriously? WTF is that? Are they sniffing the caulk fumes in the Home Depot? Where does Home Depot get off even offering vessel sinks in the first place? If you're considering a vessel sink, ask yourself these things:

  • Do you run a fancy-schmancy day spa?

  • Do you run an overpriced bed and breakfast?

  • Do you have a cleaning lady?

  • Is your name Dieter?

If the answer is no, then snap the fuck out of it. You'll develop some weird form of OCD trying to clean around the goddamn thing with a Q-tip and your grandchildren are gonna renovate with a sledgehammer when they inherit, screaming "Free at last, free at last! Thank God almighty, a normal fucking sink in this house!"

Considering painting anything chocolate and light blue? For the love of God, don't. I'll haunt you, moaning aaaaavocaaaado greeeeeeen and haaaaaaaarveest gooooold. That shit was dated two weeks after it came out. I think in 100 years people might say, "I love those old turn-of-the-millennium granite counters, don't you?" and that will be it. The rest is gonna be in a landfill somewhere on an asteroid.

Don't for a minute think you "designed" anything about your house, either. Unless you sawed it, chiseled it, carved it, fired it, or just plain birthed it, you were at the mercy of manufacturers who gave you limited options. Limited paint, carpet, tile, cabinets, fixtures, you name it. And holy cow, at the minute, it's all UGLY UGLY UGLY. Don't know why. But within those choices, I fail to see why every design-this/renovate-that or DIY show on television has to make the worst of it.

I'd whack my head harder on the coffee table but I can't find decent replacements for either the table or my head.
Tags: design, rant

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