ladycaviar (ladycaviar) wrote,

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Ro Goes Deer Hunting

Yes, I did. I went deer hunting. Twice, as a matter of fact. I did live in Idaho for 13 years, and you can take the genteel southern lady out of the Rockies, but apparently it's not possible to take the Rockies out of the genteel southern lady...

I've always wanted to go to Irina's and hunt with her. I think she has the right attitude ("like the Goddess Diana," I think is how she put it) and she let me use Shadowmaker's .223 rifle, which is a kick-ass thing right there. I shared the first hunting week with Starhelm. This is much like hunting with Tigger. It was like 70 degrees out, and the deer were all sitting fat and pretty in an unreachable crevasse, digesting the remains of a prime cornfield they'd just destroyed, so we were pretty much out of luck. However, my brothers were bound and determined to make my experience worthwhile, so I sat like a Mughal Empress while the beaters found me game. It was a unique magic moment that I don't think most people would fully appreciate. To think that these two loved me so much to create a Dream like that is overwhelming. Even if it did look to outsiders like a dangerously armed crazy woman in sartorial criminality watching one stealthy orange dot in the woods and a bouncing orange dot zipping around as if there were lyrics underneath. I leave it to you to figure out which dot was which. Then they presented me with deer teeth they'd found in the woods. I almost cried, I was so touched. Starhelm summed it up as "taking the guns for a walk."

Since we had no luck the first week, I decided to go for the second, and shared that week with JP. This time it was cold. 14 degrees cold. Weird meteorological metaphors cold. How cold is a well-digger's ass? What the hell does that mean? And all the witches I've known are very warm, cuddly people, so I would expect their tits to be similarly warm. I haven't checked--I'll have to ask. I so did not bring warm enough clothing, but JP dressed me in all of his extras. I looked like the kid in the snowsuit from "A Christmas Story"--the kid who's so bundled up he can't move his arms and falls off the porch into the snow and can't get up and they just leave him there. And yet, after hours of sitting on a pretty uncomfortable log, waiting motionless, I could have used more. I have no idea where I would have put more clothing, but I was still damn cold. I had sat so long while it was snowing it didn't matter what was safety orange or camouflage--I was all white, and had quite a buildup. All around me, though, it looked like this gorgeous postcard. When Irina got the deer to move out of the woods, I had them in my sights--but when I went to squeeze off the shot, JP was between me and the deer! I chose not to shoot. I did not have a tag for killing JP. The second day we went out it didn't snow on us, but there were so many other hunters out, all we were hunting were each other. JP and Irina almost bagged one each with the trucks on the way back. We jumped out and waited, but I noticed JP kept his truck between me and my targets. Hmmmm. JP summed it up as "taking the guns for a walk and showing them deer." I liked Shadowmaker's rifle so much I think I'll ask Irina what she wants for it.

After that, we decided to pit our wits against sushi in Morgantown. Much easier.
Tags: gratitude, hilarity

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